SO - Carrie made a comment in a video that hurt abuse victims. I contacted her with the two tweets below, and then wrote a tumblr post explaining why that language was harmful. That was all I did.
What happened next was a barrage of nasty tweets calling me a bully, sad, twisted, someone with a ‘vendetta’, someone with an ulterior motive - all because I asked her to accept that her language was harmful and apologise for it. At no point was I mean. At no point was I aggressive. I was getting emails and tweets and messages from victims of rape and abuse who had been made to feel terrible by what Carrie had said, and yet I was told that if I ‘really cared’ about abuse victims I would never have ‘attacked’ Carrie for what she had said in that video.
It is not attacking somebody to say ‘hey, you did a problematic thing, you should accept that it was harmful and apologise for it’. It is not an attack to calmly explain why somebody’s language was harmful and ask them to take responsibility. It IS an attack when you go out of your way to try to hurt people - which is what quite a lot of Carrie’s fans (and oddly enough her mother) have been doing to me over the past couple of hours.
All because I saw that abuse victims were upset and hurt by Carrie’s language, and I asked her to realise this and apologise.
This isn’t the kind of thing that upsets me, mainly because I’m used to getting ‘hate’ when I stand up for what I believe in and also because I’ve had so many amazing and heartbreaking and just generally overwhelming messages from people over the last couple of hours. Funnily enough I really dislike any kind of conflict and I get no pleasure whatsoever from arguing with people, but some things are too important, and your messages have reaffirmed that. Basically … you guys are the best. Cool.
Edit: It also turns out that actual abuse and rape victims have been getting nasty messages from Carrie’s fans. Unbelievably awful. I’m so, so sorry for all the ridiculous shit you get put through after already enduring so much.
I think y’all know about my shitty experiences with disagreeing with Carrie Fletcher on the internet but this mindless attacking of anyone who disagrees with something she says is getting really out of hand.
I used to think that calling people out in the public forum of the internet was just ‘creating drama’ but tbh that mindset is what lets a lot of people with a big internet following get away with really problematic behaviour - up to and including actual sexual abuse. I’m with Lex in that I freakin’ hate conflict and hate that I seem to be consistently in the middle of it, but if what I’m doing helps even one more person to not feel like shit in the face of this gross rape apologist, victim-blaming culture, then I’ll keep doing it.
I hope you’re all okay, friends. You’re all great.
You put yourself right between the killing thing’s teeth, but you don’t give it the power to—